


Catch 22

by Haleyb333



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:46:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7118125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haleyb333/pseuds/Haleyb333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Growing up a Shadowhunter is tough, but growing up an ill Shadowhunter is even tougher. Max and Alec's worlds turn upside down when Max is diagnosed with epilepsy. This story will follow Max's journey through the Shadow World despite his disability as well as Alec's journey as he aims to navigate his own life while helping Max adjust as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: If epilepsy/seizures is something that makes you uncomfortable in any way, do not read this story!
> 
> Note #2: I did a lot of research on epilepsy and seizures before beginning to write this. That being said, I myself do not have epilepsy and I do not know anyone who has epilepsy. So if anything written is inconsistent or false, please come let me know, and I will work to change it so that it is correct. If you have any questions about whether or not something is correct or not, please come ask me about it. Don't be afraid to talk to me about it even if it is correct. Researching it was not only so that I could write everything correctly, but I also plan to go to medical school, so it's also highly interesting to me.
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy!

Alec automatically got out of bed as quickly as possible when he heard Max cry out. He knew that no one else would hear Max, but he had trained himself long ago to wake up when Max called out, just as he always did just before he had a seizure. Max was eight now, but he'd been diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of three, and Alec had been the one to take care of him ever since. Most of the time, Alec was the only one Max would let touch him after a seizure. And the only time that ever changed was if Alec was gone for one reason or another. But even then, Max would ask for Alec no matter the situation.

Rushing into Max's room, Alec turned him onto his side as gently and quickly as possible. Sometimes Max would vomit during a seizure, sometimes he wouldn't, but keeping Max on his side was the safest option for a lot of reasons. If he did vomit, he wouldn't choke on it, but it also kept him from hurting himself while seizing. Alec moved to place Max's head on his lap, running his hand through Max's hair, knowing that it would comfort Max the most. When Max began convulsing, Alec didn't try to hold him down, he simply made sure that Max didn't fall off of his bed while seizing.

The convulsion part of Max's seizures generally lasted anywhere from two to four minutes, and this one was no different, ending after about three minutes. Max's convulsions slowed until they finally stopped, and Alec waited until Max relaxed back onto the bed of his own accord before quickly moving off of the bed to turn on the lamp and grab the book he knew was on Max's nightstand. As gently as he could, Alec moved to place Max on his lap, wrapping his arms around his little brother so that he could place his chin on Max's head and read the book.

Max almost immediately turned to hold onto Alec's shirt, pressing his face into Alec's chest. Alec knew this was likely because of how scared he was; most of the time, Max would see hallucinations when he seized, objects that weren't really there. And the majority of the time, Max's hallucinations would be demons, which generally scared Max even more than his seizures. They'd figured out long ago that if Alec read to him after a seizure, that would help calm him down, almost as though being able to focus on Alec's voice helped him hold onto reality, helped him hold onto his safety. So Max kept a book on his nightstand, and when they finished that book, he would pick out another and keep it in the very same place.

After several pages, Alec began to feel Max relax. He could never be entirely sure of how much Max had recovered from the seizure until Max spoke to him, the seizures usually impairing his speech and even his ability to walk for up to a few hours after it. But that was usually only on the worst of days; if he'd had multiple seizures that day, it would take him longer to recover from each of the next ones. After about half an hour of reading, Max spoke up, his speech slow but clear. "Alec?" he asked, his voice soft. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

It was nights like these that tore at Alec's heart the most. On nights like these, Max was terrified, and it was all Alec could do to keep his own emotions hidden. He simply moved to help Max lie down, placing the book on the nightstand and turning the lamp off before lying down beside of Max and pulling his little brother into his arms once more. Max reached for one of his hands, and Alec gave it a gentle squeeze, completely at a loss for any words that would comfort Max.

Alec tried to tamp down a wave of guilt. Epilepsy wasn't something Max had been born with, and Alec had always blamed himself for what had happened to cause it. When Alec had agreed to take Max out with him on a last-minute errand, he'd never imagined that they would be attacked by a demon. Alec knew that his thirteen-year-old self could have easily handled the demon and kept Max safe if they hadn't been at the top of a flight of stairs, just a few blocks from home. Alec had screamed at Max to stay right where he was, but when Max had tried to step away from the fight, Alec couldn't catch him in time to keep him from falling down those stairs.

At first, they had thought Max was going to be fine, but they'd called in Catarina Loss when Max had started seizing for the first time. His parents weren't aware that he'd heard when Catarina told them that head trauma could induce epilepsy. His parents weren't aware that he'd heard his mom crying, saying how she wished they hadn't let Alec take Max out with him that night. Alec could still see Max falling; he could still hear Max crying out for him. The only thing Alec could do to keep from allowing the tears to roll down his face was to hold Max tighter and move to kiss Max's forehead.

"Alec?" Max asked again, his voice soft with sleep. "It wasn't a demon tonight," he continued, and Alec knew he was referring to his hallucinations. Alec reached up to wipe the hair out of Max's eyes, but he was also checking to see if Max was sweating. The fact that Max wasn't sweating tonight was a very good sign, but Alec couldn't ignore the fear in Max's voice. "It was you, but you were hurt," Max finished, and Alec hugged him even tighter, fully aware of the fact that there were tears evident in Max's voice.

Max's hallucinations were generally just objects, but they mostly always ended up being demons or even people. "I'm okay, Max," Alec said, trying to keep his voice as tight and controlled as possible. "It wasn't real; I promise you that. I'm gonna keep you safe." Alec smiled softly when Max moved even closer toward him. Somehow, being with Max like this made him feel safer as well, as though nothing would ever go wrong again. But he knew that wasn't true, he knew that wasn't reality.

"What if it ends up being real, Alec?" Max asked, causing Alec to start rubbing his back when he heard that the tears were obviously streaming down Max's face. He could feel the tears on his shirt, and all he could do was wish beyond belief that there was something he could do to stop them, that he hadn't been the one to cause them in the first place. "What if you get hurt?" Max's voice was almost desperate.

"Even if I got hurt, Max, which I won't," Alec idly wondered whether he was trying to convince Max or himself. Every time they went out on a mission, Max would be near tears, scared of what would happen if he seized while they were gone, scared of what would happen if Alec got hurt. "Jace and Izzy know how to take care of you. They would never let anything happen to you. Ever." Alec almost added the thought that they might be better at taking care of Max than he was, but that was a thought best left in his own mind.

When Max remained silent for several minutes, Alec thought he'd finally fallen asleep, but he knew it would be a while before he was able to fall asleep himself. Just before Alec fell asleep, however, Max's voice floated up toward him again. "I love you, Alec," was all that he said, but it was enough to finally draw the tears from Alec's eyes. He didn't move to wipe them away, he didn't want Max to know that they were there, so he simply kissed Max's forehead once more and allowed sleep to take them both.  
.  
.  
.  
Going out on a mission the next night was absolute torture for Alec. It had been a particularly bad day for Max. It simply depended on the day as to how many seizures Max would have; sometimes he only had one, but sometimes he had as many as six. Max had already had three, and Alec was fairly certain that he would have at least one more that night. But he had to go on the mission. Not only was it sanctioned, but he couldn't leave Jace and Isabelle alone. So he'd had to leave Max with a book and pray that he didn't seize. He knew his parents could take care of the seizure, but that wasn't the problem.

The problem was the fact that Alec absolutely did not want to deal with going to the mundane club; he didn't want to deal with having to constantly check his phone while also making sure Jace didn't do anything stupid, as he was generally prone to doing. He didn't want to think about Max's tear-soaked face or anything that made him feel as though he'd abandoned his little brother. "Did you get Max to eat?" he texted his mom.

When Alec had asked Catarina to teach him how to take care of Max, she'd done so without question. But even then, he'd spent countless hours on the internet and in the mundane library, searching for absolutely everything he could find about epilepsy. Low blood sugar was one thing that would trigger seizures, so Alec kept Max on a strict eating schedule. When Alec was away, it had become his habit to make sure whoever was with Max stuck to that schedule as well. Jace shot him a look that said he needed to pay attention to the mission, but that was almost the last thing Alec could do.

Dealing with the apparent mundane girl who seemed to have the Sight was essentially the icing on the cake for Alec that night. Just as Jace engaged with the girl who was screaming her head off as though they'd actually truly killed a mundane, Alec's phone began vibrating, and he had the sinking feeling that his mom wasn't telling him that she'd kept Max on schedule. "Look, I can't deal with this right now, Jace," he said when Jace tried to bring him into the situation at hand. "Finish the mission so that I can get back to Max." He waved his phone at Jace after looking at the text, knowing that Jace would understand that Max was seizing.

By the time Alec finally got home, Max was already asleep. His mom tried to stop Alec on the way to Max's room, but Alec easily moved away from her. Alec waved her off; the only thing he currently wanted was to be by Max's side. "We'll talk in the morning," he said, when she asked to speak with him. He tried to make his voice gentle, but the entire night had put him on edge in every way, and he couldn't help but try to get to Max as soon as possible. "I don't have the energy for anything else tonight, Mom; I'm sorry." Alec hated the way he hardly had the energy for anything these days.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting for so long! I had to babysit for most of the week, and then I got sick! Look out for a new one-shot tonight, though! (Maybe) (If I post it, I'm going to attach it to the end of my Malec Alphabet for reasons you will see later!)

Alec avoided talking with his mom for almost a month. He had been planning on avoiding her anyways, but the fact that she and his father left for Idris the day after she said asked to talk with him made things that much easier. With his parents gone for a couple of weeks, Alec had begun hanging back from missions, staying with Max because Max had fought terribly hard with their parents to be allowed to stay at home. Between watching the whole Clary and Valentine story unfold from the Institute and spending any and all free time with Magnus, the two weeks that his parents were away had completely relaxed Alec.

The relationship with Magnus had come as a complete surprise, but Alec hadn't tried to fight it once he'd realized that it was something that actually made him happy. But that didn't mean that he hadn't kept it a secret from his parents. The relationship had made things much more complicated, that was for sure. But the more time Alec spent with Magnus, the more he recognized exactly what it was doing for him. He'd found himself more relaxed, smiling more, just generally being happier, and that was something he couldn't ignore. But for now, he would be content with only Jace and Isabelle knowing.

Alec had the feeling that his mother would be more accepting of his sexuality, but she would likely balk at the idea that he was dating a Downworlder. His father, on the other hand, would not be okay with any part of the situation. So Alec had decided that it was best to keep things hidden for the moment, to give himself some time to adjust to the relationship before throwing something like that at it. The only problems they'd had so far were more of Alec's personal problems than relationship problems.

He began to feel guilty every time he went anywhere at all with Magnus. He wanted to stay with Max, he wanted to be there if Max seized, but Jace and Isabelle constantly reassured him that they had everything under control. He had the sinking feeling that they simply wanted him to go out and spend time with Magnus, that they simply didn't want him to stay at home and continue the way he had been before Magnus had come along.

After his parents had been home for about a week, his mother stopped him as he came back from his date with Magnus. "Can we have that talk now?" she asked, and Alec could hear the exhaustion in her voice. He simply nodded and followed her, trying to clear his mind so that he could focus on whatever his mother wanted to talk about. He had the feeling that this was about Max, and his only hope was that he wouldn't need to explain the specifics of where he had been.

She led him to the library, motioning for him to sit down. "I don't know exactly where you've been these past few weeks," she began, launching into the conversation without skirting around it in the fashion that she usually did. "And I'm not going to make it my place to know, if you want to tell me, you'll tell me. But we need to talk about your bother. You being gone so much is affecting him, and I want you to have your own life, Alexander. But what's going on right now can't continue like this."

Alec had to admit that he'd seen some kind of change in Max lately, but since he could never pin down exactly what it was, he had decided to wait until Max came to him about it. "When you were gone today, and this isn't the first time this has happened, Max came to me crying because he thinks he's not a real Shadowhunter." She held up her hand when Alec opened his mouth to protest. "He's upset because he says he can never be like you. He can never fight, and he thinks that makes him invalid."

At first, Alec had no idea what to say in response. He'd known deep down that Max hated his illness, but he'd never imagined that Max would ever extend that to hating himself as well. "I just want you to talk to him, Alexander," his mother continued, her voice softening. "Just see if you can help him. He really needs you right now." Alec shot her a quick smile and nodded, hoping that Max wasn't asleep yet, wanting to talk to him as soon as possible.  
.  
.  
.  
"I just want to be like you. I just want to be a real Shadowhunter," Max said in explanation when Alec asked him what was wrong. Alec was surprised to hear the pain in Max's voice. The emphasis he put on the word 'real' made Alec ache for his little brother. At first, he was speechless. The last thing Alec wanted was for Max to feel as though his disability made him any less valid than anyone else. But it was obvious from the look in Max's eyes and the tone to his voice that that was exactly how he was currently feeling.

"There's no such thing as a 'real' Shadowhunter, Max," Alec responded after several long moments. "Every Shadowhunter is different, and there's nothing wrong with that. We're supposed to be different, that's what allows us to get the job done." Alec wasn't at all sure of whether or not what he was saying was actually helping Max in any way. The last thing he wanted to do was to make things worse, but he had no idea of what would actually help.

Max looked back at him as though he was insane. "That's just it, Alec," he said, his voice tense, as though he desperately wanted Alec to understand what he was trying to say. "I can't do the job. I can't ever fight, which is what Shadowhunters are supposed to do." As a family, they'd decided that Max would never begin his training. If he had a seizure during a fight, death would almost be inevitable. Until now, Max had never seemed to mind that he couldn't fight. "I just want to be like you," he repeated, his voice much more desperate this time.

Alec swallowed the lump that was quickly forming in his throat. "There are so many more things a Shadowhunter can do, Max," Alec responded, trying to keep the emotion in his voice hidden from his little brother. When Max asked exactly what a Shadowhunter could do other than fighting demons, Alec was suddenly at a loss for words. It wasn't as though he thought a Shadowhunter who couldn't fight was invalid, it was just that he was suddenly on the spot, and the thought that his words could make his brother feel so much better about his situation kept him from being able to properly respond.

Before Alec could actually come up with anything to say, Max asked a different question, and it was one that surprised Alec more than anything else his little brother could have said. "Were you out with your boyfriend?" he said, looking up at Alec with open, innocent curiosity. When Alec clearly looked taken aback, Max clarified, obviously knowing that he'd caught his brother off guard. "A couple nights ago I came to ask you something before bed and I heard you and Izzy talking. I didn't mean to, I swear; it just kind of happened. I didn't want to interrupt so I thought I'd wait but then I realized you would be talking for a while."

Alec still had no idea what to say, his surprise rendering him speechless still yet. "I don't mind," Max said, his voice full of love and gentleness. "I'm just glad you're happy." Alec reached over to kiss Max's forehead. People often said that Alec himself was the gentle one, but it was times like these that he reminded himself that Max was the one who really deserved that title. "And I know to not tell Mommy and Daddy, so don't worry about that either. I just really want to meet him."

The only thing Alec could think to say was, "Of course you can meet him, Max," but when Max began seizing, that stopped their conversation for the moment. Instead of picking up where they had left off, Alec simply relaxed with Max for the rest of the night until Max finally went to sleep. He already had a plan forming, but he had to figure out exactly how to execute it.  
.  
.  
.  
Talking to Magnus the next day was fairly hard, mostly because Alec knew he couldn't hide anything from Magnus at all. "I really just don't know what to do," Alec said when Magnus asked him what was going on. "He honestly thinks that having epilepsy makes him invalid, he thinks he doesn't have any value because he can't fight. I need him to know that he is valid, I need him to know that he's valuable." Magnus seemed to think this over for quite some time, and Alec began to worry that it was something Magnus didn't want to deal with.

"I have an idea, but you're going to have to trust me," Magnus finally said, and Alec was amused by the smile that softly played across his lips. Alec simply looked at him for a few seconds, hoping for some clarification. "Just go get Max and bring him here, I would like to meet him, too. But I also want him to meet someone else who I think can really help him out a lot more than either of us ever could." Alec stared at him for a few moments more, wondering if he should actually listen to Magnus or not. Sure, they'd been together for a while now, but when it came to Max, he was so overly protective that he wasn't sure whether or not this was a good idea.

In the end, Alec went to get Max, who was immediately excited at the thought of meeting Magnus. "What's he like?" Max asked while they were on the way back to Magnus's. Alec simply shook his head, trying to deter any questions Max would have, saying that he would find out shortly. Alec couldn't quite explain the nervousness he felt, but he tamped it down and tried to remind himself that he was entirely certain Max and Magnus would be terribly fond of one another.

Alec wasn't sure what he expected to find when they got back to Magnus's, but whatever it had been, that wasn't at all what they found. Magnus was still by himself, and he was calmly reading when they entered. Max sat almost as far away from Magnus as possible, and Alec had to mouth to Magnus that this was the first time he'd ever met any Downworlder. "Can you really do magic?" Max asked, his voice soft in a way that Alec rarely ever heard it.

Magnus simply chuckled and nodded, then he proceeded to wiggle his fingers in the fashion Alec knew all too well, shooting blue sparks out of his hand for Max to watch. Alec tried to hide his smile when Max began grinning, scooting closer to Magnus so that he could see the sparks better. Alec simply watched for the next few minutes as Magnus began interacting with Max, wholly satisfied with how Magnus was handling the situation.

While watching the two of them together, Alec was suddenly hit with the realization that he might actually love Magnus. Watching the way Magnus was entirely gentle with Max, realizing the way his heart skipped a beat every time Magnus's mouth turned upward into a smile, Alec was suddenly taken aback by how much he did care for Magnus. He knew he was young, he knew they hadn't been together for too long, almost two months, but he also knew that what he was feeling was real, and that scared him more than anything else.

When Magnus announced that he had someone he though Max should meet, Alec simply smiled when Magnus got up and moved to kiss his forehead before going into another room. Alec knew without asking that the other man who followed Magnus back into the living room was Ragnor, though they hadn't met before. Magnus had told Alec about most of his old friends, and Ragnor's green skin was unmistakable. The only thing that Alec couldn't figure out was what Ragnor had to do with any of this.

"This is my best friend, Ragnor," Magnus said as he came to sit back down on the couch. "Ragnor, this is my boyfriend, Alec, and his little brother, Max." Alec had to admit that he really liked the way Magnus's voice sounded when he spoke Alec's name, that he really liked being able to openly admit that they were together. Alec could tell that Ragnor thought the next question coming from Max would be about his green skin.

But when Max simply smiled at him and asked him how he was, Ragnor's face softened into a smile as well. Alec knew that Max would never dare judge anyone for anything; he knew all too well what it was like to be different, so to Max, Ragnor's skin was just like anyone else's skin. "I thought you might want to meet Ragnor," Magnus finally continued after several minutes. "Because he also has epilepsy."

Ragnor looked over at Magnus in slight surprise, obviously previously unaware that Max was epileptic. Max had never met anyone else with epilepsy, and Alec could see the recognition slowly creep across his face. As Ragnor began talking to Max about living for over eight hundred years with epilepsy, Alec moved closer to Magnus so that he could slip their hands together. They simply sat in silence and listened to Max and Ragnor talk, and Alec was terribly content with the entire situation.

"For the longest time, I didn't know what was wrong with me," Ragnor said, his voice much gentler than Alec would have thought it would be. "Various people knew how to help me, but it wasn't really until I met Magnus that anyone took the time to actually learn and to be there for me. I guess you could say that Magnus was really the first person who ever made me feel normal." Magnus's hand tightened in Alec's, and Alec tried to give it a gentle, supportive squeeze. "What I'm trying to say is that, in the end, you have to learn that there's nothing wrong with you, Max. The right people will know that, and the people who don't understand that won't be worth your time."

Max was about to say something in response, but before he could do anything other than open his mouth, Ragnor began seizing and Magnus was by his side faster than Alec would have thought possible. Magnus did everything that Alec always did for Max, but it was slightly strange to see someone else having to do them. Max came to sit beside of Alec once more, and Alec could see that Ragnor's seizure was scaring him. He'd never seen anyone else seize before, and Alec could tell that finding out what happened when he seized was a little more than he could take.

They sat in silence for several minutes after Ragnor's seizure, until Magnus finally spoke up. "It's been years since I was with you when you seized," he said to Ragnor. Alec smiled at the way Magnus had immediately become gentle when he moved to help Ragnor. Alec often thought of Magnus as being slightly colder, distancing himself from people so that he didn't get hurt as easily, but as soon as Ragnor had needed his help, he'd become immensely gentle.

"Try decades," Ragnor replied, his speech slow from the effects of the seizure. Alec could easily identify the pain in Ragnor's voice, and he automatically knew that he and Magnus needed to talk things out. He motioned for Max to get up, excusing the two of them by saying that they needed to get Max home before dark. He gave Magnus a rather pointed look, as if to tell him that they would later pick up where they left off. His only hope was that either of them could come up with more ways to help Max before anything else happened to further diminish Max's self-worth.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next couple of months, Alec split his time between Max, Magnus, and the situation with Valentine. The whole Valentine ordeal was a rollercoaster, and Alec hardly knew what he believed anymore. He knew a war was soon coming with Valentine, but until then, all of the Shadow World was holding their breath, and Alec was content with waiting things out with his friends and family. Alec was content to sit back and watch Magnus and Max bond, and he had to admit that he truly adored Ragnor. When Alec was able to forget about the situation with Valentine, the two months they all spent together in peace was almost relaxing.

As Christmas neared, Alec found himself wondering what was going to go wrong or what was going to keep them from being happy. When Magnus invited them over on Christmas Eve, Alec tried to tamp down his feeling of impending doom. He tried to hide his mood from everyone else, but there were some habits he couldn't shake, and as the day drew nearer, he found himself spending more time by himself, more time reading, more time trying to shake off the horrible mood he was in. The night before Christmas Eve, he found himself curled up in the library, halfway reading, halfway listening for Max in case of a seizure.

He didn't hear his mother as she came in the library, but when she finally cleared her throat, Alec was surprised to look up and see that she was smiling in a way he hadn't seen her smile in a very long time. She was almost relaxed, but Alec could see the tension in the way she stood, even if it was subtle. Alec didn't fully sit up, however, until he saw that she was holding his phone in her hand. When she saw that he realized what she was holding, she sat down beside of him, moving to wipe his hair away from his eyes. "You looked so peaceful I wasn't sure I wanted to disturb you," she said, the hint of a smile still evident in her voice. "But I think there's something we do need to talk about."

Alec felt himself tense when his mother handed him his phone and he looked down to see several texts from Magnus. "You left your phone in your room," she began explaining, her voice soft in a way Alec hadn't expected. "I heard it going off, and when it kept going off, I thought you might be asleep, so I wanted to make sure its noise didn't wake you up." Alec had left his phone on his bed because he had wanted to read in silence, not having to worry about anyone else for a while. He had known Magnus would text him, but Alec had simply figured Magnus could wait while he took some time for himself.

"I won't force you to tell me anything, Alexander," she continued, placing a hand gently over one of Alec's. "Let me just simply say that I love you, no matter the circumstance. If there's something you want to tell me, don't be afraid to do so." Alec looked over at her in surprise. He'd been terribly worried that she was going to explode on him. It was very obvious from the texts on his phone that he was not communicating with Magnus for Clave business. "Magnus Bane is a good man," his mother finished, moving to get up from the couch.

Alec was almost frozen where he sat, but before his mother could go very far, he reached up to catch her hand. "Mom, wait," he said, hearing the catch in his voice. Alec waited until she sat down once again to being speaking, keeping hold of her hand the entire time. "I guess it's pretty obvious now, but I won't feel any better until I say it myself. I'm gay, and I'm dating Magnus, not that you couldn't see that." Alec looked down at his hands, trying to calm his nerves. When his mother gave his hand a gentle squeeze, he couldn't help but smile ever so slightly.

When his mother looked over at him to very gently say, "I'm so proud of you, Alexander," Alec couldn't help but move to hug her. They usually weren't a very touchy family in general, so Alec was slightly surprised at how receptive his mother was of his hug. He watched her expression change when he asked her if she would like to come with them to Magnus's the next day. He knew that Magnus would be slightly uncomfortable at the thought of it, but he also knew that both his mother and Magnus would make things work if he asked them to simply try.  
.  
.  
.  
Getting Magnus to try had been a bit harder than Alec had expected, but he had to admit that dinner was going extremely well. They had all ended up at Magnus's, with his father being in Idris, they had all simply decided that the Institute was too lonely to leave anyone at home that day. Alec had the sinking feeling that his father was avoiding them, but he tamped that feeling down and forced himself to forget about the things that were going to blow up soon. He knew how important it was to make their time count, and with so many laughing and smiling people, he knew that today was one day he needed to cherish.

Alec watched with a smile as Magnus told Max that he and Ragnor had a present for him. Alec had no idea what Magnus had up his sleeve, but from the look on Magnus's face, from the glance Magnus shared with Ragnor, he could see that they had been planning this for weeks. "Magnus!" Max exclaimed when he saw the dog Magnus was leading into the room. "You got me a service dog?" he asked, his voice unable to keep from betraying his excitement. The dog was absolutely adorable, black and white with huge floppy ears, and Alec couldn't help but think of how perfect it looked for Max.

A few weeks ago, Max had come to Ragnor to tell him about how he had found out that there were service dogs trained to help people with epilepsy. He'd been so excited just at the mere thought of it, and Alec felt a pang of guilt when he realized that it hadn't been his own idea to get one for Max. Max's excitement had been in part at the thought that he would actually have a warning before he had a seizure, the dog barking would tell him that it was about to happen instead of always being surprised and terrified when it happened.

As Max ran to hug Magnus, Alec glanced at his mother, overjoyed by the smile on her face as well. "This dog comes with something I want to talk to you about, Max," Magnus said as he bent down to Max's level. "I picked him out because his name is Henry," Magnus continued, and Alec could tell from his voice that he was thinking of a time from very long ago.

"Henry was a wonderful Shadowhunter, one of the best. But he was badly hurt in a fight, and try as I might, I couldn't do anything to keep him from being paralyzed." Alec could see that Max's attention was captured from the way his eyes lit up. "He'd been a wonderful fighter, that was true, but even before his accident he was an inventor. But the accident allowed him to truly become who he was." Magnus smiled at the thought of it, and Alec was happy to see the joy in his eyes. "What I'm trying to tell you, Max, is that there's more to being a Shadowhunter than just fighting. Henry invented the Sensor, he invented the Portal, he invented glitter for goodness sake!"

Alec couldn't help but laugh, but when Magnus started glaring at him, albeit lovingly, he moved to cover his smile with his hand. "My point is that you're more than your ability to fight. You can do so much as a Shadowhunter without ever killing a single demon. And I want Henry to remind you of that." Max flung himself into Magnus's arms once more. "There someone else here who wants to meet you and talk to you if that's okay; he's better at this kind of thing than I am."

Alec was slightly startled to see tears in Max's eyes when he turned around to smile at him, but Magnus reached up to wipe them away in the way that Alec always did. So Alec simply sat by and watched as Max very easily received the Silent Brother who Magnus explained had been a friend of his as a Shadowhunter. He was surprised to hear the Brother's story about his illness, but he was also slightly amazed at the way Magnus was helping Max with everything. Alec hadn't really expected Magnus to be so gentle and understanding, but watching the way Magnus worked to help Max work his way through this was touching in ways Alec had never felt before.

"Woah, hold on," Alec said as the Brother went to give Max the cane he had apparently carried during his illness. "Max doesn't need a weapon; he's never going to fight." The cane became a very lethal weapon, and Alec was already nervous at the thought of allowing Max to work with it. An argument ensued about whether or not Max needed to learn how to fight in a least a competent sort of way, and Alec was surprised when the Brother handed Max the cane without another word.

"James!" Magnus said, looking toward the Brother as though he was insane, and Alec could tell that the Brother had said something only Magnus could hear. "I was used to William using nicknames like that, but certainly not you. My boyfriend is a Lightwood," he said, all of his emphasis on the last part of the name. "Not a Lightworm." Magnus chuckled as Alec looked over at him in surprise, but he could tell that the nickname was something he most likely did not want to know about.

"Alec?" Max asked as the Brother and Magnus started speaking to one another. "I just want to learn. That way if you're not around I can protect myself." For several seconds, Alec thought about continuing his argument, but when he saw the look in Max's eyes, when he registered the gentleness in Max's voice, he couldn't help but give in.

"Alright, Max," he said, trying to keep his voice soft, trying to keep his nervousness out of it. "But I'm going to be the one to teach you." He smiled when Max's face lit up at the thought of that. "That will be my Christmas present to you." He chuckled as Max got off the couch once more, moving to play with Henry, the smile on his face larger than it had been in a long time. For the rest of the night, he allowed himself to relax into the spirit of the season, he allowed himself to push the thoughts of Valentine and all of his other problems aside. He slipped his hand into Magnus's as Magnus took his seat once more, and for the first time in a very long time, he found himself utterly relaxed as Magnus leaned over to whisper, "Merry Christmas," in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm here to tell you that this story will likely not be updated again until I get back from my trip! I will be gone from June 20th through July 2nd.
> 
> I also want to let you know that I am starting to plan a (very large) OC project. It will be about all the kids of the entire gang. If you would like any information about it, feel free to message me, as I am in the planning stages of that right now!
> 
> There is also going to be a lot of information about that on my blog ( .com) and I tag all posts about it as "CanonizesOCs." Feel free to come there and ask me anything you want about any of my OCs, and the original post about them is here /post/145874519650/oc-project
> 
> If you have any questions for me about anything at all, just let me know! I may or may not update Heart and Soul before I leave, but I don't know yet. If not, I will see you wonderful people when I get back!


	4. Author's Note

Hi all!

So I have been thinking about this for a very long time, and I have decided that I will be going on hiatus indefinitely. This is not an easy decision for me, and at this point, I am unsure that I will ever come back to writing fanfiction. This decision is one I have been thinking about and struggling with for months, and I've decided to simply rip off the bandage and do it.

At this point, I think a lot of you know how busy my schedule is. This decision is one that I do not take lightly, but I feel is the best for me and my life. I've got two majors, I will be applying to medical school in the summer, and I must begin writing my thesis soon, not to mention my job and volunteer work and a million and two other things.

I wanted to post on the 4 stories that I never finished as a courtesy to you all so that you aren't waiting for me to finish them. If I do come back to these stories at some point, I would like for it to be a pleasant surprise, instead of this becoming a horrible waiting game. I would like to come back to these stories eventually, but I am unsure that this is going to be possible. I have begun working on some original works as well, and I have even had to give those things up in favor of school work.

I am sorry to have to post this, but I am very thankful for all the support I've gotten over the past few years! You have all helped me grow more as a writer than I could have ever imagined, and I am so thankful for that! You've been amazing readers, and I am sorry that I have to end off like this.

Thanks so much for everything!

xoxo Haley


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